When i look back

    When I look back, seems that everything is just so vague.


    Time flies, it's so fast that I couldn't even grab it. Suddenly i found out that I have lived in misery for one year. I remember all the things we had been through. Though it must be ridiculous for you right now. 

    In the same place, same time, and the same weather. But the person who stood next to me was different. I know it is not fair to something like this right now. But i don't mind any judgement any more. I don't care about any criticisms, because it could not make things worse. 


    I have always been regret, but when every time I see you so happy enjoying your life, seems that there is fire burning my whole body and my heart. All the dreams, just faded away. 


I'll never talk again, because it's too late. 


You guys will never understand, so stop thinking which is right or wrong.

A Brand New Start

    Today, i got my result from the Shih Chien University ( Fashion Design ). And i failed. I got 71 on Creativity Exam and 79 on Portfolio and Interview.

    What i could only say is that although it is a pity that i have no chance to start my college life earlier, its a good time to test my real ability. When i got the result, i was completely shaking while i was checking my name whether was on the list. I was sad, i was disappointed. For that whole class, my mind was empty. I can't help but let myself drowning in a deep black hole. Fortunately, i woke up and start to think of something. I acutally don't have to be sad or sorrow. I have already been through with something else which was a disaster and worse than this time. In fact, i can feel that im chaning from the pain i had (when i broke up with my ex). I think i really have to thank to him. He let me become stronger and stronger, facing thing with a right attitude and control myself appropriately. Thank you Quintin, you surely are the angel in my life. After this things, i can feel that i do have the ability to face the difficulties. And ain't anything is going to stop me doing my choice. I gonna prove it, and i gonna make it real. Although i failed this time, but we shall see in August, because ill make it. And you have to believe it.

Expectation

    There is something interesting happened today and it makes me think of one question － So do i really like to consider people in the way i think? Before i make sure whether it is true or not. Sometimes in life, we always like to predict the situation which is gonna happen in the next minute. And naturally we think that all the things have to be followed in our expectation. Once it spoil, and we become totally freak out. I thought that i don't have this kind of problem before. I always think of any situation which is gonna happen. For example, if i am going to tell a lie, then basically i will think of a thousand situation when it turns out. In case that i can fix it right the moment. So, what i meant is that it always worked since i met someone. The most interesting part is that i always think of one situation about him. I have completely no idea why is that. So everytime, things happened in the way that i had never ever expected, then i totally lost my temper. What was going on? i had no idea. Things just happened, and turned out, i always fu*ked up all the things.

    Right now, i think i really have to change this kind of attitude from now. I always predict people's personality and emotions, even their reactions. Sometimes, they don't even have that kind of thoughts to do that, but turns out i always consider them as a bad way. And eventually, i trust nobody. I become vulnerable, afraid of getting hurt. And i do not want to express my true feelings anymore, because i feel like there is nobody understand and nobody cares. Of curse i mean except for my best friends though.

    Time flies, it is almost a month, sometimes i still cannot get rid of all the memories. Just feels like he was still there. Turns out, all the things are my fault. Nevermind, stop being rediculous..It is time to give myself a break.

Melody

  
    Melody let me hear my deepest desire. Sometimes we really are not able to find out what exactly we want. Listen to the sound here in your heart. Through the lyrics, you could find out the true self.

    I spent a whole afternoon in front of the piano. With my hands touching the keyboards. Felt like there is another special connection between us.  Someone knows me, even I don't have to say anything. That is you. 

Vanish

    Life just like fireworks. You could let it be gorgeous, fantastic, and fill of joy. But you could also let it become miserable and fade away imediately. It could be strong and tough, but it also could be vulnerable and fragile. Depends on how do you choose to live your life.

    Humans, always make some mistakes. They always forget that actually they have to cherish the thing they own at present. And always feel regret after they lose it. We just never get the lesson, and always get hurt from it, but never remember it.

    Five years ago, I just turned to be 8th grade. During the summer vacation, my grandfather died. Actually I knew that he was sick for a while, but I felt nothing big deal. I thought that he would recover soon. He was the most opmistic person I have ever met. Until one day, after we visited him, he started not eating medicines, and that is the last time I saw him. The last thing I said to him just a simple GOODBYE. I even didn't give him a hug or hold his hand. When you were gone then I realized that actually that is all your plan. I picked a time you wanted to leave this world. And the funeral was exactly in my summer vacation, then I didn't even have to ask my teacher to take a few days off.


    Through the glasses, I saw your face. It was so close, but felt so far. You still wore a smile, the one I would never ever forget. My mind turned into a film, all the pieces of frames showed up in my mind. The time we had, the time we shared. Every jokes you told. Just like a radio played it nonstop. 


    Already five years, want to know how are you doing in heaven. Maybe one day I could see you again, but when the time comes, the first thing I want to see is your smile.

The Thing Surrounds Me

    Actually I just deleted a post, which is about my profile. After thinking for a while, then I realize that actually nobody wants to know that.

    Want to talk about Common Reaction and Overreaction. Believe me, it happens a lot on me. So apparently the differences between these two stuff completely depend on person. And definitly different from person to person. 

    Just make a example. Yesterday, I had a huge fight with my friend. The reason is that she asked me that if I want to go out with her, then give her a call. Apparently I wasn't in a really nice mood, so I didn't call her. Then she started shouting at me, blaming on me for why didn't I give her a call. Basically I just followed her requirment, and she was so mad at me. So now, my definition of overreaction shows up.  I completely considered her as being overreacting. But what she told me is like Im the one who should go to hell and burn to dust.  

    So what should I do, the misunderstanding has already happened. And I didn't have any strength to fight with her anymore, so I chose to be silent, even though I still got lots of curse and dirty words. Then I thought of it. everything's happen has its own reason and some of the reason we might not know. So what I did, was not keeping shouting at her, but tried to find out what exactly has happened. Guess what, she just broke up with her boyfriend who has been with her for almost three years.  And what she wanted is just talked to me. Because she is too tough to admit her failure between her and her boyfriend. Now I become a sinner?

    Sometimes we have to stand in others shoes and think of it. Don't just make a quick definiton and object. You will hurt people, and you will also get hurt from it. I could have just made things worse, had a huge fight with her, but I found out the reason, then we become as close as before. Nothing is impossible, if you believe, and try to understand. I believe that everything gets its solution, and there lots of problems will be avoided. This story gives me a very deep thought, because lived with it before. 

    We all have rights to express out own emotions, but we really have to think that who is the target that we are going to shout for. Once you choose a wrong person, then you might lose him forever. Sometimes being honest might be difficult, but it's truly the nice way you won't regret that much. I completely know that kind of feelings.