A Brand New Start

    Today, i got my result from the Shih Chien University ( Fashion Design ). And i failed. I got 71 on Creativity Exam and 79 on Portfolio and Interview.

    What i could only say is that although it is a pity that i have no chance to start my college life earlier, its a good time to test my real ability. When i got the result, i was completely shaking while i was checking my name whether was on the list. I was sad, i was disappointed. For that whole class, my mind was empty. I can't help but let myself drowning in a deep black hole. Fortunately, i woke up and start to think of something. I acutally don't have to be sad or sorrow. I have already been through with something else which was a disaster and worse than this time. In fact, i can feel that im chaning from the pain i had (when i broke up with my ex). I think i really have to thank to him. He let me become stronger and stronger, facing thing with a right attitude and control myself appropriately. Thank you Quintin, you surely are the angel in my life. After this things, i can feel that i do have the ability to face the difficulties. And ain't anything is going to stop me doing my choice. I gonna prove it, and i gonna make it real. Although i failed this time, but we shall see in August, because ill make it. And you have to believe it.

Expectation

    There is something interesting happened today and it makes me think of one question － So do i really like to consider people in the way i think? Before i make sure whether it is true or not. Sometimes in life, we always like to predict the situation which is gonna happen in the next minute. And naturally we think that all the things have to be followed in our expectation. Once it spoil, and we become totally freak out. I thought that i don't have this kind of problem before. I always think of any situation which is gonna happen. For example, if i am going to tell a lie, then basically i will think of a thousand situation when it turns out. In case that i can fix it right the moment. So, what i meant is that it always worked since i met someone. The most interesting part is that i always think of one situation about him. I have completely no idea why is that. So everytime, things happened in the way that i had never ever expected, then i totally lost my temper. What was going on? i had no idea. Things just happened, and turned out, i always fu*ked up all the things.

    Right now, i think i really have to change this kind of attitude from now. I always predict people's personality and emotions, even their reactions. Sometimes, they don't even have that kind of thoughts to do that, but turns out i always consider them as a bad way. And eventually, i trust nobody. I become vulnerable, afraid of getting hurt. And i do not want to express my true feelings anymore, because i feel like there is nobody understand and nobody cares. Of curse i mean except for my best friends though.

    Time flies, it is almost a month, sometimes i still cannot get rid of all the memories. Just feels like he was still there. Turns out, all the things are my fault. Nevermind, stop being rediculous..It is time to give myself a break.